Hustling Part 1 - Understanding basic male psychology - Getting to the Club

For the average lay person, in regards to interpersonal communications, psychological differences between the genders matter only slightly more than the day of the week, that is to say, hardly at all.  Individual differences in background, education, geographic history, race, and personal experience are all more/just as important for day to day understanding and interaction with other people than understanding the difference in gender.  Furthermore, in regards to gender, painting in broad strokes becomes damn near meaningless, as slightly less than half the people on the planet are male.

Instead, I will be narrowing the scope of discussion to "men who patronize strip clubs."  And in regards to Hustling, I will narrow that even more, down to "Post-adolescent men of middle-to-upper incomes who patronize strip clubs."  Sure, young guys with little-to-no money have their place in the club, but as they don't have money, hustling them is pointless and non-rewarding, monetarily speaking.  We're after the  Big Cheese, not the Small Fry.

Now, to understand how our roughly middle aged mildly to extremely prosperous customer thinks and reacts while in the club, we need to understand the background that forms his psychological, emotional, and physical responses.  He is the way he is for a reason... or rather, a whole slew of reasons.  These reasons give us a better understanding of why he is in the club in the first place, why he acts (and doesn't act) certain ways in the club, what prompts him to spend money, what prompts him to spend too much money, and what gets him to come back.  
On the flip side, proper understanding will also give insight on what will scare him  off, will make him get cheap, and worst of all, what will make him think he's in charge (he's obviously not.)

So, first off: our customer is probably married.  Or was.  Marriage has been (and probably is) a HUGE part of this guy's life.  His relationship with his (ex)wife, and all it's attendant emotions, the physical time he has to put into it, the mental time, is informing his actions when he is in the club.  Chances are good he's there precisely BECAUSE of this relationship.  Imagine a stuffy, non-communicative, sexually dead, cold-war of a marriage.  Now picture our customer in it.  
That's not to say the objective reality of his marriage is such a travesty as all that, but if that is the way it is in his mind, it's as good as real to us.  It's his perceptions, his feelings of being in a somehow non-fulfilling relationship (or the smouldering wreckage thereof) that have led him to our club, to seek solace or escape in the arms and bosoms of the young sexy ladies inside.  Rightly or wrongly, he is at the club, hanging out with strippers because strippers are not his (ex)wife, and the club is not home.  They are (to his perception) the exact opposite.

Now, if our guy isn't married (or hasn't been in a looooong time), the chances of him being a creepy weirdo increase exponentially.  THIS guy has had a shitty time with relationships (mainly due to lack of them in the first place.)  You know the guy... Ugly, out of shape, dresses kinda weird, and old enough that no lady is going to marry him unless he is absolutely loaded.  He's probably really intelligent, but socially retarded.  He might even have some seemingly off-putting kinks (of the "beat-me-up" or "wear this collar" variety usually, but sometimes as simple as chewing on napkins while getting dances.)
This guy too is at the club because the club is not home, and the dancers are not the crushing loneliness he feels at home.  He's a weirdo, and normal society either ignores, or actively shuns him.  Normal women tend to do the same.

Either way, the club is a refuge, free from pressures and expectations and guilt and all those other attachments that our customer has to deal with at home/the real world.  But, it doesn't end there.  For, if that were the sum of why our customers come to the club, why not a sports bar, or a dive bar, or a book club, or a gym, or a kickball league, or any other social outlet?

"Duh," you're saying.  "They're there for US!"

No shit.

So, the second thing: There is a need going unfulfilled. 
Don't jump to conclusions and assume that need is sexual stimulation/release.  
It COULD very well be that and only that.  And when that is not the unfulfilled need, it most likely won't be an unwelcome side-bonus.  However, thinking in a strictly physical, sexual manner is sure to lead to a limited, and possibly faulty, understanding of the Why of our customer.  It's entirely possible our customer has heard of this thing called "masturbation" and can handle his physical needs himself.  Or, maybe due to some deeply buried catholic guilt, instead entrusts his physical needs to a dedicated practitioner of the sexual arts, commonly referred to as a "prostitute."  And, assuming you yourself are not prostitutes (I'm not passing judgement if you are), their hand or a whore will invariably produce an actual sexual release instead of just a pair of blue balls.

It's not like their options are limited.  The question to ask is, what about the club, what about you, is there to offer, to have and be fulfilled by that masturbating and prostitution cannot provide?  The answer is your company.  And I don't just mean spending physical time with them, sitting at their table, nodding idly at their chit chat, laughing at their shitty jokes and wondering "when is this fucker going to buy some dances."  That is not company.  Company is actual conversation, it's closeness that is more than physical proximity.  It's a word that most people don't immediately associate with strip clubs: Intimacy.

People are quick to write off the kind of relationship that develops between a dancer and a regular customer of hers as "not real."  But when you break it down, that's real time being spent in real closeness with real words and real physical and mental and emotional interactions.  Does the fact that these interactions are facilitated by money mean they don't actually happen?  We can say we have a good relationship with our hair stylist, or our doctor, or our landlord... but aren't those relationships also predicated by exchange of money?  Are they any less real?
So, regardless of the initial reason for the relationship, it exists, and is real.  And that intimacy, more than physical/sexual actions, is what keep a customer coming back.  There is a lack, perceived by the customer, in their life of the kind of intimacy that you, as a dancer, can provide.  An intimacy that is not present currently in their lives (at least, in their own minds.)

Again, I'm not saying that in REAL LIFE these guys are in shitty, crumbling marriages, or that they wives/girlfriends are terrible cold-hearted bitches, or that the creepy guys are really just misunderstood and no one has given them a real chance.  In REAL LIFE, these guys are assholes and creepers who, if not getting what they feel they want/need, probably don't deserve to get it.  BUT, BUT, BUT... it's not cold, hard reality that gives you money, it's the customer, and his possibly (probably) unfounded feelings of detachment, of loneliness and isolation.

What this amounts to is an ocean of reasons to carry our customer onto his chosen path, of spending time (and copious amounts of money) in the club.  And to be completely honest, the business couldn't exist without our customers engaging in this self-convincing behavior.  All the feelings I've written about above serve as a kind of self-justification for the customer, a kind of "permission slip" to allow them to act the way they do in the club and with you.  "It's ok," they tell themselves, "I'm not reeeeallly doing anything wrong.  It's not like Sheila back at home pays any attention to me anyway..."

So, we've got our customer, expressing some need, some (real or imaginary) unfulfilled urge, and the justifications for doing so.  This has gotten him into the door.  Hooray! Mission Accomplished...? Think that's it?  Not even close.

(Continued next post)